At what point do you confidently say ‘no’ when a government authority asks you to hop into their car? If there’s one lesson from Walter Salles’ Oscar-winning film “I’m Still Here,” it’s that a casual request from a trio of burly men in military garb often leads to someone being whisked away, never to be seen again. Take poor Rubens Paiva—going about his day, likely dreaming of thrilling bureaucratic paperwork. Suddenly, three army men waltz into his home like they’ve stepped off a fashion runway and say, “Hey buddy, let’s take a little ride!” Spoiler alert: he didn’t come back. Talk about an unexpected plot twist!

Life Imitates Art

Fast forward to our post-modern United States—where Wi-Fi rarely works when needed and artisanal coffee is worth its weight in gold, yet we think we’re immune to government oddities. We might be living light-years away from 1960s Brazil, but who hasn’t watched one too many documentaries on government surveillance and thought, “Maybe I’ll avoid those interstate highways for a bit”?

Picture this: you’re cozied up with your pumpkin spice latte (because it’s basically fall in a cup) when an unmarked van rolls up like it owns the street. Out pops someone who looks like they just emerged from an episode of Cops, claiming they need you for “urgent questioning.” Yeah right! Stranger danger for adults! We teach our kids to refuse van rides even if the driver offers puppies or free candy! As adults, when do we let our inner Rubens morph into full-on ‘no thanks’ mode?

Inventory Your Potential Antagonisms with Trump

Start taking an inventory of things you have done that could be perceived as “antagonistic” to the current regime. What will prompt the ire of the Trump administration? Is it when you spot the NPR bumper sticker on your car? Did you reference some questionable executive order on Twitter as if it’s breaking news? Or a Google search that gave results from unfavored presses (Atlantic, Washington Post, New York Times)?

But I’m me and I’m different

In our self-interested and narcissistic culture, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Will these atrocities impact me? If history has taught us anything (and that lesson is loud!), it’s that knowing your rights and having common sense will always serve you better than blindly following orders. If you’re ever offered a ride by sketchy-looking guys in khaki pants—just remember poor Rubens! Channel his spirit and firmly say, “No thanks!” It has to start somewhere… right?

Final Exam on Stranger Danger

So, here is your final exam scanario: You’re out for a jog—because clearly, nothing screams “I’m living my best life” like pretending you love cardio in public. You’re feeling good, your headphones are blasting your favorite playlist, and you’ve almost convinced yourself those burpees were worth it. Suddenly, an unmarked van pulls up next to you. The sliding door opens with the exaggerated creak of a horror movie prop, and out steps a trio of guys who look like they’ve just completed an intensive course in “Intimidation 101.” They flash badges that look suspiciously fake (the kind you’d find on Amazon during a midnight shopping spree). They drop phrases like “urgent national security matter” while eyeing your running shoes as if they might be illegal contraband or the latest fashion statement in rogue athleticism. Your heart races—not from the exercise—but from pure panic!

Correct Response

Channel your inner Rubens Paiva. Politely decline their offer for an unscheduled road trip. Potential correct responses include:

A. “Thanks but no thanks! I have plans with my cat!” Because really, who wouldn’t want to hang out with Fluffy instead of getting whisked away by someone who probably thinks khaki pants are always appropriate?

B. Hand them a “I’m Not Interested” business card.

C. “Thank you for offering me free travel via unmarked vehicle; however, I must decline!”

Let’s make sure we know how to dodge dodgy rides while keeping our sense of humor intact. When life gives you unmarked vans—it might be time for some creative evasive maneuvers! Due process, the right to assemble, and a free press seem to be under scrutiny or, worse, ignored. When do we acknowledge the problem of people in America being picked up in unmarked cars by unidentified authorities and suddenly disappearing?